Read the article below. Be ready to summarise its main points and explain the meaning of all transcribed words or phrases .
Giles Coren, 14 May 2019
One belt from Gucci and I’m left ˈ1. /fiːlɪŋ ˈdɜːti/ feeling dirty
In a moment of terrible laziness last month, when I couldn’t be 2. /fægd/ fagged with the time and
effort that buying a genuinely thoughtful present would have taken, I got my wife a Gucci
belt for her birthday. She had recently bought a fake one for a 3. /ˈfaɪvə/ fiver at the souk in
Marrakech so I knew that she in theory liked the look of such items. So what 4. /dʒeɪps/ japes, I
reckoned, to buy her a real one. It is not the sort of thing she or I would ever normally buy,
because of the vulgar extravagance and sheer pikiness of it, but it went down well, the
birthday passed 5. /wɪˈðaʊtə hɪtʃ/ without a hitch, the wound in the bank balance will close over
in time and the stupid belt will soon be forgotten. Or not.
The day after her birthday, came the first email: “Enjoying your Gucci belt, Mr Giles?” and
then the next day “Want more Gucci belts, Coren?” and the following week “Welcome to
Gucci bags!” And I was, like, “Shut up, guys! I feel bad enough having spent the average UK
worker’s weekly wage on a strip of cow’s bum to hold my wife’s trousers up, without you
reminding me all the time. Like a fool, I gave you my email for the receipt but don’t use it to
make me feel like I’ve been scammed.” And then the next day at the top of my inbox:
“Introducing Gucci make-up!”
And so my shame grows and grows. Every day there is another one, making me feel all dirty
and wrong first thing on a weekday morning. It’s like if you went out on a big drunken
bender and then for weeks afterwards were getting emails from the places you barely
remember visiting, saying: “Want more tequila shots?”
“Hey, Coren, it’s Wednesday, what about some drugs?”
“Another lap dance, Mr Giles? but remember no touching this time…”
Self worth
Speaking of money, how are you managing your Sunday Times Rich List hangover? You know, the feeling after you’ve stayed up too late with that catalogue of ˈ6. /ʃaɪstəz/, conmen
and thieves, gorging on the sickly tales of overnight wealth creation, inequality and greed,
then tossed and turned all night, dreaming of helicopter crashes and panic rooms and rivers
of Cristal, only to wake at dawn, nauseous and under-slept, to the grim truth of your non-
billionaire reality.
The Rich List always manages to lead the news for one reason or another and this year it was all the 7. /ˈvɪlənəs/ Villains super-rich bastards — led by that weasel-faced, good-for-nothing Ratcliffe man — who are planning to leave the country in the event of a Jeremy Corbyn election win.
In the event of such an electoral 8. /kəˈlæməti/ calamity, I suppose that will be what one calls the “silver lining”.
No sex
The actress and MeToo campaigner Alyssa Milano has called for a “sex strike” to protest against strict new abortion laws in some US states, urging women to stop having sex “until we get bodily autonomy back”. This comes as quite shocking news to a man in his tenth year of marriage. People have been having sex?
Stringed instruments
At my school, the boys played cricket and tennis was definitely for girls — to the extent that when the big row blew up about women tennis players not getting paid as much as the men, I was amazed to discover that blokes could get paid for it at all. But in the twilight of my sporting life, I find myself invited more and more to take part in this 9. /ˈdeɪnti/ Dainty little game and so last week I started having lessons.
“Now remember, Giles,” said my coach, manoeuvring me into the correct body shape for the forehand. “From the ‘t’, split, little steps, racket back, show me the edge, stop, knees bend, left hand pointing at the ball, watching it on to the strings, head still, moving through from low to high, punching the handle forwards, follow through, all the way, aaaand, back to the ‘t’, little steps…”
Jesus. If he’s having to remember that lot every time he plays a shot, it’s no wonder they pay Federer so much.
ˈ1. /fiːlɪŋ ˈdɜːti/ feeling dirty – feeling uncomfortable
2. /fægd/ fagged – tired, exhausted
3. /ˈfaɪvə/ fiver – five dollars/pounds
4. /dʒeɪps/ japes - Joke, mockery
5. /wɪˈðaʊtə hɪtʃ/ without a hitch - to happen successfully without any problems
ˈ6. /ʃaɪstəz/
7. /ˈvɪlənəs/ Villains
8. /kəˈlæməti/ calamity - an event causing great and often sudden damage or distress; a disaster.
9. /ˈdeɪnti/ Dainty - delicately small and pretty
